


Scream it Out

by ren (renegadewriter)



Category: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers Generation One
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Horrors of War, Ratchet Hurting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-07
Updated: 2014-01-07
Packaged: 2018-01-07 21:59:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1124865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/renegadewriter/pseuds/ren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The twins stopped in front of Ratchet's office, ready to confront the mech, ready to offer any kind of comfort they could give to the mech that had cared deeply of them even after all the others had given up for being so 'troublesome' and 'violent'...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scream it Out

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt Response at the livejournal twins_x_ratch community. Wrote this in 2011.

Silence.

Eerie silence. 

It was the best way to describe the state of the med bay. The twins had no doubt that, had the lights been on, it would have been a gruesome sight. 

Every single medical berth had a body on it, every single one in stasis due to the seriousness of their wounds, and because of the lack of medical supplies. 

But the darkness hid them, hid their vulnerability. The only light came from the monitors attached to the broken frames keeping the fragile sparks pulsing. 

Walking deeper into the med bay, they felt a substance on the floor, slightly sticky. They knew what they were stepping on. There hadn't been time for cleaning drones to do their job; not without being an interference in the medics' frantic race against time to save as many as their comrades as possible. 

The darkness was a blessing. It made them believe they hadn't entered the pit, that they weren't walking over rivers of partially dried energon; the life source of their comrades. That the owners of the energon they carelessly stepped on were not fighting for their lives, some not even having gained that luxury. 

But the knowledge reminded them of another, another who had been responsible for saving so many lives. One that suffered greatly, and died just a bit more when a spark extinguished in his servos. 

Today, that one had held eight sparks in his servos, eight sparks that had extinguished, the energy slipping between his shaking fingers, eight lives that had disappeared right in front of those sorrow filled optics. 

The twins stopped in front of Ratchet's office, ready to confront the mech, ready to offer any kind of comfort they could give to the mech that had cared deeply of them even after all the others had given up for being so 'troublesome' and 'violent'. 

A soft voice from behind interrupted them. 

"He's not here." 

Both front-liners turned to stare at a mentally and physically exhausted First Aid, the apprentice's frame still splashed with energon.

"He's outside." He said tiredly, their demand not having to be voiced. "Good luck, it wasn't pretty." He murmured, leaving them to check on the patients. 

The twins wasted no time, already knowing where the medic was going to be. 

**000000000000000000000000**

There was a canyon a ways off their headquarters, leading deep into Cybertron. Not many went there, the black vastness of the giant opening intimidating, the urge to let it swallow you frightening. 

Ratchet always went there. No one knew why. Rumors said it was because the medic wanted to leave the horrors of the war behind, the death he saw each joor, but never had the courage to take that final step into the abyss. 

Not many had understood why the twins had slagged the mech that had mentioned that rumor in front of them, but no one ever mentioned it again. 

The twins knew the real reason though. Not that Ratchet had told them, but they guessed, because they went there for the same reason. 

The stars. 

The lack of light from the canyon and the surrounding barren lands made the stars seem brighter, and much much closer. The silence and lack of any evidence of destruction brought peace.  
  
A place where they could pretend the war never happened.  
  
A place to seek solace.

**00000000000000000000000000**

They found Ratchet standing near the edge, head thrown back starring aimlessly at the sky. He looked… defeated. 

They didn't like it. They didn't like it at all. Ratchet was supposed to be screaming, cursing up a storm and throwing wrenches at every moving thing. Be _alive_. Not this... not this broken mech. 

"Ratch'?" Sideswipe called carefully. While they were sure Ratchet would never take the easy way out, would never leave behind his patients, the swaying of his exhausted frame so near the edge was worrying. 

The medic jerked out of his stupor, but either than that didn't acknowledge them. 

Sunstreaker shifted impatiently. "Come on medic, don't do this to yourself." He said, wanting to get closer, yet not wanting to scare the mech. He really was so close to the edge. 

But the medic seemed to not have heard them.  
  
"Eight lives I couldn't' save today." He whispered suddenly, voice thick with anguish and disbelief. "Eight sparks I held in my servos, watched them extinguish. Do you know, I watched as they _fought_ to stay alive? I saw the sparks struggle to live, struggle to stay in this _horrid_ war, they didn't want to leave. Fraggers." The medic trailed off, voice holding no real anger, seeming almost hollow. 

The twins took a step closer. 

"I knew one of them. He was going to bond. Digger was the name of his intended, they were going to ask Optimus to oversee their bonding. Stupid mech couldn't stop talking while I examined him. They wanted to have sparklings, lots of them, and once the war was over travel to other galaxies with them, see the beauty in some organic planets.  He smiled like an idiot the whole time."

Sideswipe stepped to Ratchet's right, Sunstreaker getting closer to the medic's left, carefully watching the mech.  

"Did you know, that when you hold a spark in your servos, you can _hear_ them?" He let out a sigh full of wonder and hurt. "Fragger begged me to save him. Didn't want to leave his intended, didn't want to crush their dreams, their future. He _begged_. All I could do, was say I was sorry." His voice cracked at the end, optics offlining, head falling forward as optic fluid silently trailed down his cheek-plates, frame shaking. 

"He cried out his lover's name before he extinguished, the pain I felt was so raw I thought my own spark was being ripped out of my chamber." 

Two pairs of arm gently encircled the medic, careful not to touch him. Not yet. 

"And all I could do was say I was _sorry_!" He snarled, self-loathing thick in his voice. "I'm useless!" 

He was startled when he onlined his optics to see himself surrounded. He tried to push the arms away, put they closed in on him, embracing him in a tight hold and forcing him further from the edge. 

"Let go of me!"

"No." Sideswipe said. "We're not letting you do this alone."

"We're here for you." Sunstreaker said in a soft tone no one would link to the violent warrior. "And you're not useless."

"What do you know!" Hissed Ratchet, thrashing. "I killed a couple's happiness because I couldn't do anything! I killed their dreams! I couldn't- I couldn't--" His thrashing diminished, the tremors in his frame growing. 

"I couldn't do anything." He breathed horrified. "I just.. he..I…" Silent sobs raked his body as more optic fluid escaped his optics, the medic trying to keep his composure in front of the twins, even when all he wanted to do was curl up in a corner and break down.

"We got you Ratch'" Sidewipe said gently. "Let it out. Let it all out, _scream_ it out."

"Let it out.." Sunstreaker repeated softly.

The sobs were growing, sorrowful sounds escaping the medic's clenched denta, yet he tried to resist. 

"Let it out." They whispered in his audio.  
  
And he did. 

He let out a choked sob, falling to his knees. The twins followed, never once letting go. 

Bending over, until his helm was almost touching the ground, Ratchet let out a scream, full of anguish and grief. It echoed through the canyon, the tortured sound seeming to travel everywhere sharing the pain. 

Ratchet screamed and screamed, pouring all his anger, his anguish and loathing into his voice, screaming it out, letting it all out, getting rid of everything.

The stars above seemed to brightened even more, as if the hurt had reached them and were crying . 

All the while, the twins held on to the medic, offering reassuring words, soothing servos running over the medic's back, encouraging him.

And the medic continued to scream, to purge his sufferings into the black abyss, servos holding tightly onto the arms that kept him from falling to the ground, that kept him anchored.   
  
He screamed in sorrow.  
  
Not for himself. But for the lives destroyed, the futures lost, the time ripped away, the happiness that would never be.   
  
He screamed in anger.   
  
At Megatron, at the war, at the incapability of every mech for not being able to live in peace, at himself for not being able to do more.  
  
He screamed and he screamed, letting it all out.   
  
The twins never once let him go, they held him as he screamed into the night, letting the echos carry away his pain into the vast blackness, the stars their only witness.


End file.
